I do this every year; celebrate the end of one year and look forward to the new year. I set goals and promise to be a better version of myself; I buy a new day planner, make lists, and end up defeated before midnight December 31st.
Thinking about a new year I automatically think about beginning. I have been struggling for several hours with this concept of beginning. I even looked up the definition trying to solidify an idea. I can’t shake the feeling that I have it all wrong. No one should start another year defeated with a list of things to do better.
I realized that beginnings are as scary as blank paper with infinite often intimidating potential. Making it impossible to know for sure where to start, and scarier still where and how it will end. My other big issue with ‘beginning’ or ‘first’ is that it implies that nothing came before, and if something did it isn’t worthy of remembrance. We all know that our past experiences are very very important to our future success.
Then it dawned on me, this is not the beginning, this is not a first, the paper isn’t blank. I know what I want, where I want to go and what I want the end to look like (kinda). This sounds ridiculous as I type it, I know this. I do not act as if I know it. I act as if nothing I have done the last 12 months has moved me forward or been worthy of note. Like vacation days, no carry-over into the next year!
So this year I am going to act like I am not starting over. I am going to pause and evaluate all that I was able to accomplish in 2018. Spend a minute or two to understand what I do well and areas that I need to spend more time on or try a different approach. I am going to re-commit and challenge myself. The challenges need to fit into my life, not require me to need less sleep, and increase my IQ overnight. Again, this sounds ridiculous as I type it, I know this. I guess I need to say it and type it, keep saying it and keep typing it, I need to live it!
I am excited for the wonder of the Holiday Season and looking forward to sitting down to evaluate my life as an artist. I am thrilled that the paper isn’t blank and I know where I am going (kinda)! I am so excited I think I will sit down and evaluate the last week of every quarter this year – I just put it in my calendar even!
Happy ‘Not the Beginning’ to all of you
Take a minute to recognize your own worth and appreciate your progress in 2018